pointedwhitepedals: Impressions; Two Year Recap

Same as it ever was: Sitting on my desk, having a lot more important things to do than writing a blog, doing it anyways.

I have no idea how and when it happened but I lost my productivity and got back to procrastinating a LOT. I almost forgot how creative you get in doing other things rather than doing what you have to do, in good and in bad ways. Finally did my laundry, but also started watching series which have an endless amount of episodes.

I found a great topic for my bachelor thesis and the research for it is tiring and exciting at the same time. But it looks like the excitement is nowhere near enough to start writing and working on it.

Isn't excitement the engine for productiveness? It actually scares me alot, that I got back to procrastinating. I remember my last slump like around three years ago, where it was as bad as it is now and I clearly remember me wasting a lot of time and precious memories that could have been made. It scares me. But I have no solution for getting out of it either, not even riding my bike helps, so I lost all my sources of productiveness.

So I started to re-read my blog, all my posts, all my thoughts, pictures, mashups, videos, songs.

I can't believe this thing is almost two years old.

When I was finished I realized: I'm really proud of this. I'm really proud of my language skills, playing with a language which isn't my mother tongue but feels like the language I want to express my feelings with. I am proud of all the material I collected, be it my own pictures or the pictures friends took, be it the videos and inspirations I found. I'm proud of my music taste, proud of the findings I make every day which make me happy.

But the most I am proud of growing the confidence to write down and share my thoughts because this was the reason why I started this in the first place. I needed a space where I am confident enough to stand up for myself, for what I love and who I am. I could've never imagined that this would be and online platform called a 'blog' but it's kind of like a painting you keep drawing or a book which is building up its story page by page.

Right now, I'm struggling again with being who I am. I am fcking weird and everything I like or do doesn't fit together in ANY way. And I always keep asking myself why don't I just start to be normal, start to be a person where everything just makes sense. Like a painting of a landscape, not a fucking optical illusion or some other shit. I wouldn't have to expain myself over and over again, there would be no stupid questions or looks. Nobody would say 'you're weird', which makes me so incredibly furious because I mothereffin' KNOW I'm weird.

But then I remembered why I started this blog: I wanted to learn how to embrace the random, category-lacking, non-matching me.

And now that I recapitulate everything that I wrote down here, I see that it worked, I only lost track.

I am a mountainbiking-tennisplaying-drumandbassloving-technosoberenjoying-overbassdropsandbikevideoscrying-weightlifting-notdrinking-natureadoring-vegetabledevouring-animalcrueltyhating-dairyproductsdarningbutsourcreamcraving-dressingupinhighfashionliking-everyfactorofatopicconsidering-japaneseasaguiltypleasureembracing-overlyemotionalbutatthesametimeeasygoingbeing-makeeverybodyhappyilovewanting weirdo.

And I love it, screw you!

This URL, www.pointewhitepedals.blogspot.com, is never letting me forget this and it's gonna make me rediscover my productivity, I'm pretty sure about that. I may not make money with this and I know I never will but I appreciate it so much, for being a great guide and reminder to me.

But first, back to a little procrastinating:

Because it reminds me why I chose this sport and never let go:

Because my favourite rider and my favourite brand are now together in one team for 2015: