Impressions; Progression Doesn't Come Without Consequences

Hello again! It's been almost half a year since I wrote something!

To be honest, I was a bit happy about it because (as you may remember from another post) this blog was kind of a tool to help me deal with things going on in my head. Over the past months I learned to deal with things the grown-up way, sometimes well, sometimes not, but I did.

Same thing with riding bikes, this year I found a new point of view on it and this is what I love about this sport. I fell in love with riding all over again,  but this time in a more grown-up way as well. But this grown-up way also meant a much more intense level of love (this actually sounds like a relationship-story, maybe I should honestly start considering being an objectophile) which basically meant: If I didn't get on my bike for more than a few days, I felt like total crap.

Of course I have been asking myself if I was compensating something else with it, but I didn't want to waste time on thinking about it so I didn't matter. But now I sit here, having a hard time using the keyboard because I feel the ligaments of my shoulder moving around weirdly, as they are not where they are supposed to be. I crashed several times the last week and to be honest I don't even care apart from the fact that I have to take a break.

After I've spent so so many years in my comfort zone under the slogan 'Riding slow is better than not riding at all' I got fed up with it this year!

First step was getting a downhill bike again. But not just any bike, I finally bought the bike of my

dreams: The Norco Aurum! I dreamed about this bike the day it was presented.

Second step: competing in races. More than one race a year. The race calendar of the iXS German Downhill Cup offered some promising, fun stops so everything looked fine for this year!

I had so many awesome days in bike parks, on local trails or where ever I shoved my bike to but the racing thing just wouldn't work out.

It's useless to talk about every single race in detail but they have all one thing in common: I didn't finish one of them. The only race I felt comfy with ended up with a flat tire in the racerun! But that's racing right?

The main thing I had to fight with this year, was to push myself out of my comfort zone. Over the last SIX years, I didn't crash ONCE. Six years ago, 2009, was the year with my last bad injury which involved two surgeries and a long healing process. Nothing really bad, but with a lot of bad luck. 

There were a lot of people around me who made me think my body wouldn't be able to take another crash and I believed them. I was scared as hell. But there was the other side, the side that just could not live without mountain biking. So I tried to find a way to ride anyways, I adjusted my speed to a comfortable level in which I wouldn't crash. But these six years were also pure hell. I didn't ride the tracks I wanted to ride, I did't take the jumps I knew I could do, I didn't race the races I wanted to race. I wanted to quit so often because it felt like hell being at the same level for six years. Not just the same level, there were times where my riding got even worse. 

But not riding was even MORE worse, so I continued. Continued choosing the the lesser of two evils: Riding in my warm, cosy comfort zone. In 2011 I even decided to start riding downhill because I felt there is where my passion lives. And I always told myself that slow progress is the safe progress. But there wasn't any.

I grew up mentally and physically over the years, I got confident with me and my life, with my decisions and my safety-plan just didn't fit anymore so I finally decided to take a step further. It was too late for all of my dreams but I thought better late than never. I saw it as a mental challenge. A challenge for progress, for change. And I also felt like I had the support from my friends and family which made me feel so happy and secure.

But it wasn't easy at all. To gain speed and deal with it, I failed completely. 

I always stopped myself the moment I thought it worked out pretty well.

It's a vicious circle because I'm getting scared everytime I'm getting faster. I feel my body working with the speed, knowing how to move my bike, feeling secure but after a good run I'm always like 'whoa, I've gotta take it slow next time' - One step forward, two steps back. 

So I took it a step further and pushed myself even if I thought about taking it slow, I pedaled harder and forced myself out of my safety-cushions. The results: Several crashes. But it felt so good. I felt that my body could take it, that I could take it. Of course I was scared afterwards and I couldn't deal with the consequences immediately but it felt so liberating. Knowing I could take it. 

Several months ago, when I was dealing with a heavy amount of anxiety of crashing I asked a friend who is racing really successfully and she said: Sometimes it's good to crash, it let's you know that it's not that bad at all. And she was right.

And I wanted to work from here. The next mental challenge, the next step.

But then I got pushed back into the dark hole of self-doubt: Everything I do is useless, its useless what I love about this sport. I'm embarrassing myself, I'm stupid and reckless. Harming my body this way.

That is not true.

I am aware of the fact that my level of riding is nowhere near to be acknowledged but that's not what this is about. This is about myself, finding the way out of the jungle of my endless thoughts. I know that riding my bike is the key to letting go. To set my mind to peace. To get rid of my control issues.

I think a lot about motivation, pushing yourself, I think about it 24/7. I think about everything I do every second, every day. I think about possible scenarios instead of doing it. 

And I know the solution is the complete opposite - to stop thinking.

But this is me, thinking for at least 3 people at the same time. 

Over all these years I was so confident about the fact that I would find a way to match my mind with my body, to teach myself how to let go, but with deliberation. Without crashing.

When you read the last sentence you obviously find the paradoxon: You can't let go with deliberation.

Go big or go home. 

I am the master of my mind. I make the decisions and I still choose to take it slow.
But I still want to change that. I just need a new game plan.

You all may be aware of my BSFL (Brandon-Semenuk-Fangirling-Level) but in this video, Brett Rheeder has a lot of really inspiring things to say, which also led me back to my path. Thank you for that.

Agricultural Education: The Brett Rheeder Story from Freehub Magazine on Vimeo.

Last but not least: The soundtrack to my mood.



Love,
pwp

Impressions; Two Year Recap

Same as it ever was: Sitting on my desk, having a lot more important things to do than writing a blog, doing it anyways.

I have no idea how and when it happened but I lost my productivity and got back to procrastinating a LOT. I almost forgot how creative you get in doing other things rather than doing what you have to do, in good and in bad ways. Finally did my laundry, but also started watching series which have an endless amount of episodes.

I found a great topic for my bachelor thesis and the research for it is tiring and exciting at the same time. But it looks like the excitement is nowhere near enough to start writing and working on it.

Isn't excitement the engine for productiveness? It actually scares me alot, that I got back to procrastinating. I remember my last slump like around three years ago, where it was as bad as it is now and I clearly remember me wasting a lot of time and precious memories that could have been made. It scares me. But I have no solution for getting out of it either, not even riding my bike helps, so I lost all my sources of productiveness.

So I started to re-read my blog, all my posts, all my thoughts, pictures, mashups, videos, songs.

I can't believe this thing is almost two years old. 

When I was finished I realized: I'm really proud of this. I'm really proud of my language skills, playing with a language which isn't my mother tongue but feels like the language I want to express my feelings with. I am proud of all the material I collected, be it my own pictures or the pictures friends took, be it the videos and inspirations I found. I'm proud of my music taste, proud of the findings I make every day which make me happy.

But the most I am proud of  growing the confidence to write down and share my thoughts because this was the reason why I started this in the first place. I needed a space where I am confident enough to stand up for myself, for what I love and who I am. I could've never imagined that this would be and online platform called a 'blog' but it's kind of like a painting you keep drawing or a book which is building up its story page by page. 

Right now, I'm struggling again with being who I am. I am fcking weird and everything I like or do doesn't fit together in ANY way. And I always keep asking myself why don't I just start to be normal, start to be a person where everything just makes sense. Like a painting of a landscape, not a fucking optical illusion or some other shit. I wouldn't have to expain myself over and over again, there would be no stupid questions or looks. Nobody would say 'you're weird', which makes me so incredibly furious because I mothereffin' KNOW I'm weird.

But then I remembered why I started this blog: I wanted to learn how to embrace the random, category-lacking, non-matching me.

And now that I recapitulate everything that I wrote down here, I see that it worked, I only lost track.

I am a mountainbiking-tennisplaying-drumandbassloving-technosoberenjoying-overbassdropsandbikevideoscrying-weightlifting-notdrinking-natureadoring-vegetabledevouring-animalcrueltyhating-dairyproductsdarningbutsourcreamcraving-dressingupinhighfashionliking-everyfactorofatopicconsidering-japaneseasaguiltypleasureembracing-overlyemotionalbutatthesametimeeasygoingbeing-makeeverybodyhappyilovewanting weirdo. 

And I love it, screw you! 

This URL, www.pointewhitepedals.blogspot.com, is never letting me forget this and it's gonna make me rediscover my productivity, I'm pretty sure about that. I may not make money with this and I know I never will but I appreciate it so much, for being a great guide and reminder to me.

But first, back to a little procrastinating:

Because it reminds me why I chose this sport and never let go:

Because my favourite rider and my favourite brand are now together in one team for 2015:

Because Tinlicker is a genius new Project by beloved Black Sun Empire:

Because pinkbike.coms Photo Epics are simply the best:

Because I miss my big ol' boy but I love the sexy substitute I built up instead:

Love,pwp

Video Material; Schladming Is Back

Shame on me, I actually can't remember who said the legendary 'Schladmingaaaa' into the Camera, was it Sam Hill or Sam Blenkinsop? I'm pretty sure it was Sam Hill, but I don't knooow, help me out!

Anyways, Schladming always had an exceptional aura back in the days when the World Cup took place. It always felt like absolutely everybody went crazy over the fun they had on this track, I remember Brendan Fairclough saying that he just wouldn't stop doing training runs.

I cleary remember Blenki taking his first World Cup win in 2008, Rob Warner shouting 'look at the no gloves!' - 'No gloves no love' got THE quote of the year and not wearing gloves was SO fashion, thanks to Blenki.

One year later, 2009, Sam Hill took the win in Schladming and also won the overall ranking. Him stepping on top of the box in a golden blazer also entered the historybooks.

But unfortunately, it ought to be the last year of Schladming holding a World Cup.

Back in these days, I actually wasn't riding downhill, I had fun on my Norco 4Hun hardtail, racing a little bit in the national 4x circuit. Somehow I got to know some downhill riders who took me with them to the national iXS Cup Series, so I started to follow the downhill circuit, too.

I had a lot of fun cheering and meeting new people but I always had too much respect for this discipline and I constantly kept saying that I would NEVER step onto a downhill bike.

In the same year of Schladmings farewell, my friends finally talked me into riding a fullsuspension bike, after my 4Hun stopped seeing 4x tracks and got ripped through the local downhill trails instead.

One day after my debut, they already took me on a race! It went really well, too well, winged by my motivation I got too cocky and broke my collarbone - for the third time. I pestered the paramedics with my self-diagnosis, they tried to calm me down somehow but when you know, you just know.
Of course I was right, unfortunately.

But yeah, It was already too late. I got infected and there was no way back - After 2 years of saving money, in 2011, my first big bike moved into my room. Stupid as I was (and still am), the first trails me and my bike saw were in Finale Ligure. In pouring rain. After a lot of shoving and remorse I somehow managed to get down without stopping, which made me really proud.

It took me another 3 years, 2 new bikes and a lot of ups and downs to finally be completely happy on the bike.

But what the heck does all of this have to to with Schladming?! Let me tell you.

Now that I think about 2009, I notice that all that I saw was the fancy World Cup curcuit, the fangirling over the riders and choosing by sympathy. Just like all the soccer fans who don't play soccer. Like a good friend keeps saying 'There are the people who talk and there are the people who ride their bikes' - I was the talking one. I still am an annoying chatterbox, but now I know how to ride my bike, too.
Now that I got the chance to look back, I'm really happy about the progress I made, even if it took a long long time. But if there's one thing I've learned then it is: In my case, everything takes a little bit longer.

Today, in 2014, Schladming is back. 'Only' as a stop of the iXS European Downhill Series, but as the EDC is the biggest series after the World Cup, I would say the comeback is quite big!

And the list of the riders, too.

Thanks to Instagram and all the others social platforms which bring you near places you aren't at - I see the track and WHY everybody loves it so much - and I want to go there so bad. It seems like almost ALL of the riders already spent the whole week before the actual Raceweekend and turned Instagram into Instaschladming, endless posts about HOW FUN THIS TRACK IS. Damn it.

And as if this wasn't enough - the talented filmer BK-Productions knocked out suuuch a sick edit of the SC-Intense World Cup team ripping Schladming. You NEED to watch this!

...and then decide if you wether want to cry or laugh!

To underline my sentimental moment, this song (being played on the radio, shame on me...) just won't stop giving me goosebumps! I have no idea why, I'm going crazy over it! 
THERE'S NO PLACE I'D RATHER BE, lalalalalalalalaaaaa!



Also check out his overall edit, thumbs your nose even more.



Love,
pwp

Video Material; Must-Watch Webseries

Since webseries got quite popular over the past years, big companys and great filmmakers started to produce some really worth watching webseries about mountainbiking and the people of the mountainbike world. Unfortunately I don't have enough time to spend my time watching all the videos and series, but I have a Top 3 of my all-time favourites that I want to share with you!

1. Life Behind Bars 
(Note: I have HUGE girlcrush on Brandon Semenuk which makes his videos first place anyway)


The 18 episodes tell several stories about Brandon Semenuks life as a freestyle mountainbiker but also about his everyday life. I love it! It's produced by Red Bull so you get to watch a lot of great landscapes and action.
Find the full series here.

2. Finally 1-4

These videos are just...legendary. From first to last! I remember clearly how everybody was waiting for the next finally episode to come out and battling for posting it on facebook first.

The reason why I chose this one is that the song of Adam Braytons Part in the End (Pendulum - Blood Sugar) founded my addiction to Drum and Bass music! Thanks for that!

Orpheusproductions is the head of this series and you find him here on Mpora, his other videos are absolutely worthwatching, too!


3. Coastal Crew



Episode 1-4 is not available in germany so I had to post Ep. 5 for you. This series is about three guys from British Columbia, they filmed and edited everything by themselves. As you can see it's already 2 years old but I think it's still worth watching. Today, the Coastal Crew gained a lot of success in the mountainbike world with their unique concept of a 'Freeride-Crew'.

Here is a handy playlist to watch all episodes. I hope you're able to watch them in your country!

Love,
pwp